A new perspective on Self-Love.
Self-love, in its modern form, is an interesting concept. We could describe it as looking after yourself better, being kinder and more forgiving to yourself, accepting and being comfortable in your own skin. To most women, self-love is closely associated with body image. But if you’re not happy with your body, it can be difficult to even like yourself, let alone love yourself at times.
According to one international survey by Dove a few years ago, 84% of women regularly have negative thoughts about their appearance. This feeling of inadequacy with appearance then extends to our self-esteem and self-worth. It changes how we value ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. We put ourselves down, we self-sabotage and we treat our body as an enemy.
If a friend or family member confided in us that they didn’t like how they look and that it was getting them down, we would reassure them with total honesty that they are quite wonderful. Our feelings and our love for them has little to do with their physical traits.
Yet, when it comes to talking to ourselves, we often lack that objectivity. We hone in what we perceive to be our physical shortcomings and are far more negative and judgemental to ourselves and our bodies than we would ever be to our friends and family.
Self-love is not about body image.
Let’s detach this content of self-love from self-acceptance and body image. To me, it feels like we’re are telling ourselves to be content with a consolation prize.
Instead let’s look at what our body is designed for and how it enables us to do amazing things every day:
It allows us to perform everyday tasks like shopping, driving, working, studying, cooking and cleaning
It allows us to enjoy sensory pleasure – the taste of food on our tongues, wind in our hair, texture with our fingertips, wonder with our eyes and music in our ears
It allows us to feel strong and stable, in control and able to choose what to do – able to lift bags and boxes, to balance on uneven ground with the confidence of knowing we won’t fall
It allows us to move in a way that gives us pleasure – to enjoy the outdoors, to explore and get active on holidays, to find joy through stretching, dancing, climbing, walking or whichever physical activity we partake in
It allows us to focus, to make clear decisions, enjoy intellectual challenges, to read and to learn
It allows us to create – make things with our hands, designs and plans with our brain
Surely a body that allows us to do all these things is worthy of our love and should be cherished? Think of it as a machine that runs smoother and quieter when you give it a regular grease and oil change. Love it in the same way that some guys love their car or motorbike.
They say it is hard to change a habit unless you change your underlying belief. If you can appreciate and believe that your body’s most significant function is to serve you through all that it enables you do on a daily basis, it is an absolute game changer. Imagine your life if your body was compromised and unable do many of these things, or only able to do them with chronic pain. Perhaps you already are aware of your body not able to do some things it could in the past?
Looking at your body in this way gives you a certain freedom to stop being at war with your body and to respect it for what it gives back to you. Learn to work with your body, by nourishing it with good habits done for the right reasons:
Don’t exercise to reduce a muffin top or to punish yourself for what you ate the previous night, instead work out because you care about your body. Because you know your body won’t let you down in the long run if you regularly move, stretch and make it stronger.
Eat less processed food and snacks because you know that they will hinder your body’s ability to function smoothly and disease-free
Aim for 7-9 or more hours of sleep every night because you know that your body needs that time to repair and that you will be smarter, more focussed and make better decisions each day with a clearer mind.
Loving your body this way does not mean that you cannot also love your appearance and how you present yourself to the world. In fact, you are far more likely to! What is does mean is that you can also look at yourself in the mirror with gratitude, respect and be madly love the body enables you to live such a full and rich life.